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| Me at the White House |
The other evening I had to attend a board meeting followed by a reception. I participated in the board meeting on the phone. However, I arrived for the reception in person. I was starving. So, I was glad to see that there was quite a spread laid out for our enjoyment. I wound up being the first person in the line to get food.
And although I was there by invitation like everyone else, I was self-conscious about being first in line. I also felt guilty though because I knew I had to leave early to pick up my daughter. In true me fashion, I expressed my guilt out loud to a woman I met. I swear sometimes guilt comes up and out of me like a geyser. It is probably my Catholic schooling...
So, I meet this woman, a fellow board member, who I am sure was there to network and have a good time and not provide life-changing therapy. And yet, that is what she did. When I mentioned that I was feeling guilty about eating and running, especially since I participated in the meeting by phone, she reframed the entire scenario in a way that was miraculous. She said, "Why don't you think of this nice meal as your treat for working hard all day and enjoy it."
I swear. That thought had never occurred to me. Sometimes I feel like I live in "guilt town", which is why I live a relatively safe life and don't do things like lie about being sick when I am not to get out of something, lie to my friends about why I miss their calls, or cheat on those with whom I am involved. It is my hope that these noble decisions pay off in good karma. But the truth is, there's no other way I would like to live because a clean conscience is how I sleep at night.
Still, this was different. The guilt that I was feeling was completely misguided and a function of dysfunctional thinking. It almost made me not enjoy the event. So, I am so glad that I met that woman. And from now on, I'll being giving myself the grace that I so freely give to others. And, I think that will help me have more fun.
Here's hoping!
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