A few weeks ago while out to dinner with friends a married guy confessed that despite being married for ten years he never really adjusted to wearing his wedding ring. The way he made it sound, the ring was imposed on him the way an orange jumpsuit is imposed on prisoners--and whenever he could, he removed it as a way to make him feel free again.
He told us that he took his ring off to shower, cook, and even watch TV. We questioned why he was so uncomfortable. Although it wasn’t really funny, we laughed. Not because it was amusing but because the entire thing seemed so very odd.
Now, I have greater insight. The ring didn’t feel so much feel uncomfortable. It was that he never had really taken to marriage. Right after he told me about how frequently he takes off his ring he asked for a kiss. Imagine that?! A married man being bold enough to ask such a question. After declining his request I became intrigued. Years ago I would have asked myself what vibe I had put out to invite such a request. However, now I realized it’s not about me.
Getting Used to Marriage May Require an Adjustment Period
It took me a few weeks, but I finally get it.
The guy has never taken to marriage the way I have never taken to being on time. When I get home from work, the first thing that I do is take off my watch. While it is a gorgeous piece of jewelry, it is a reminder of my shortcomings. Unlike most people, my watch doesn’t keep me on time. It is a constant reminder that I am always running at least a few minutes late.
When I get home I instantly remove my watch so that I can feel more comfortable.
Even though I didn’t kiss the married guy, I kind of understand. His ring reminds him that he is failing as a husband. So whenever he can, he wants to remove it. Taking it off doesn’t make him less married, but somehow it feels less uncomfortable.
Unlike like him, I make a sincere effort to be on time. And I intend to succeed more often. Considering the brazen request for a kiss, it doesn't seem like he is trying at all.
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