Five Lessons for Using Facebook and Maintaining Your Relationship

Fortunately, I have not experienced a break up because of Facebook. It may be because I haven’t been involved in a full blown relationship for about eight months… That being said, I know people whose lives have been complicated because of Facebook postings. I also know people who have ruined relationships because of connections made over the Internet.

Technology is a good thing, but you have to be careful…

First of all, Facebook can expose the truth, in the most unintended of ways. Previously, we could tell little white lies to extend a relationship or to deceive our partners. Now, Facebook can put it all on blast. I have friends who have been confronted with the unfortunate phrase, “Hey, I thought you were sick?!” after they lied to get out of a date and were discovered tagged in photos showing them kicking it harder than P. Diddy. I have had friends questioned by their boyfriends after being spotted in photographs with men even though they were supposed to be having a "girls' night out”.

In a way, Facebook is shaming us into telling the truth. One could argue that this is a benefit of Facebook. The truth is supposed to set you free after all. However, I'm not too sure about that. I subscribe to biblical principles as much anyone. However, I don't like the truth forced upon me. Lies were often a present help in times of trouble. What do we do now???

Facebook May Illuminate Problems in Your Relationship...

Another unintended consequence of using Facebook and other similar sites is that you may become restless. And, these feelings may lead you to engage in risky relationship behavior. CNN recently posted an article entitled, “Easier to mess up love life on social networks” (www.cnn.com). Among other things, it discusses a woman whose reconnection with a past lover on MySpace led to the deterioration of her marriage. Some might argue that the marriage was doomed anyway. However, I wonder...

While I am a proponent of progress, I have always thought that having options makes it easier to flee troubled relationships. When people had no access to transportation or the telephone, marriages lasted! You cannot lust after what you don’t know. Once you discover what you’re missing you may become tempted.

The flesh is weak. And our flesh often seeks an exit from unfulfilling relationships. And, an internet flirtation can be just the exit door you need. With a few key strokes you can email an old lover or "friend" them on Facebook. These things often lead to message exchanges full of innuendos, longings and compliments. Once you connect, it is only a matter of time before you receive an unexpected “Hey Sexy!” message when you are feeling unappreciated by your “real” lover. Those messages combined with the Photo Shopped photographs that make old lovers look better than ever often mean trouble for real relationships. Reality cannot always measure up to the perfection of the ever enticing cyber affair.

Don't get me wrong. I am a huge user of Facebook and other sites, mainly because I’ll use any vehicle to try to get people to read this blog. However, friends’ experiences and the examples in the CNN article have taught me some lessons about how to use those sites if I find myself in another committed relationship that I shall share.

Lessons for Using Facebook and Maintaining Your Relationship

1. Tell the truth. Facebook exposes all lies.

2. There is nothing like the real thing baby… The old lover is only human. Photo Shop and emails can disguise a lot of ills, but a real relationship is only experienced face-to-face.

3. Speaking of Photo Shop, beware! Now that I know how to use it I realize that you can make skin look better, hair look thicker, and people look thinner. If you don’t live in the same city as the old lover, send a spy to see what they really look like.

4. Sometimes what you have is worth saving. Before destroying your relationship because you found yourself on the Internet, stop, drop and think! You might just play yourself because you are chasing a dream.

5. There are no true secrets with Facebook. There are no true secrets with Facebook. There are no true secrets with Facebook…

Related articles

• 12 Red Flags Not to Ignore When You're Dating + How Facebook Ruined Dating (and Breaking Up Too) (howaboutwe.com)
• The 'Other' Infidelity (snspost.com)
• How-Facebook-almost-destroyed-my-marriage (Critique) (relationshipsdomatter.com)