I cannot tell the story of my health scare and recovery without mentioning my mother. I am grown; but during my crisis, I needed my mommy...
I was either in denial or delusional when I was initially admitted. I tried to minimize the gravity of my condition, even while I was laying in the ICU. Indeed, when I spoke to my mother on the phone that morning I told her that I was OK and that she did not need to come to the hospital. My mother heard my words, but instead responded to what I really needed. That evening, she showed up.
My mother immediately traveled to Pittsburgh from Louisiana to be at my side. While I was in the ICU, she sang to me—songs from my childhood. And she rocked me to sleep by pushing my bed back and forth. Even though I hadn’t realized it that was exactly what I needed. And she helped me sleep in the midst of the chaos called the ICU. Before she arrived, I was distracted by the beeping of the monitors, the bruises on my arms from the blood draws the dripping of the IVs. After she arrived I was able to rest.
I was not surprised that she showed up. After all, that is what mothers do. However, I was amazed by how much I needed her.
As I have written on this blog. I am a true single girl. I am independent, self-sufficient, and resourceful. However, while I was in the hospital, I was completely out of sorts. I needed someone to protect me and to remind me that everything was alright. I was so fortunate that the person who loved me before I loved myself was able to be there.
To be sure, our relationship has not been without conflict. I think that dueling estrogen makes conflict inevitable. Also, I had an early desire for independence. And, she had an intense desire for control. I used to place more significance on those things. However, age has taught me that that those conflicts, like unexpected illness, can be part of life. And at the end of the day, all that matters is the love.
This Father’s Day may belong to the men, but on this day, I am celebrating my mother.
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