As we prepare for our 4th of July cookout I have "Tia and Tamera" playing on the Style network in the background. I stopped and watched more intently when Tia Mowry-Hardict was crying and complaining about the struggles of being a working mom. I am not celebrity and I don't have a reality TV show. (However, E! can holler at me if they are looking for a Black girl working as an attorney, with a really cute toddler, to portray on TV...)
Still, I related to her story...
It is really hard to mother and work. I remember when I first returned to work. Being away from the baby all day was a challenge. I constantly questioned myself. I remember the early days when I was just learning how to care for the baby. I was learning to breastfeed. Although it came naturally to me, nursing her, working and pumping took more commitment than I ever imagined.
Even though I had to work, I wondered whether I was doing the right thing. Would she thrive with the nanny? Would she be traumatized for life by her absence? Would the nanny wind up being a kidnapper, even though we interviewed her several times, did a background check and spoke with her references???
Eventually, I relaxed. I stopped activating the alarm when I left each day to trap the nanny in the house. I stopped having nightmares about everything that might happen. I also stopped holding my breath as I walked into the house every day because I was afraid that the nanny was somehow like MacGyver and had deactivated the alarm, taken off with the baby and left no finger prints....
Finally, I exhaled.
A friend who has older children gave me great advice. She said that when your child is very young, working is hardest on the mom. "Anybody can love your baby. They actually need you more when they're older." I don't know whether she meant that or not. However, it gave me great peace with my decision.
I know that "Tia and Tamera" was taped awhile ago and Tia wrote a book about her experience called, "Oh Baby!". The book is designed to help other mothers navigate the journey called motherhood without losing their minds. (I blog for the same reason...) Thanks Tia! We moms need all of the help that we can get.
As an aside, Andre woke up from a nap and asked why I hadn't made more progress on cleaning. It is really hard to clean efficiently, drink cocktails and blog. Of course I couldn't add cleaning and chopping vegetables to the mix!
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