“So, please, let's stop talking about 'having it all' and start talking about the very real challenges of 'doing it all.'" ― Off the Sidelines: Raise Your Voice, Change the World
When people talk about "having it all", at the core they are really talking about an idyllic existence where one is able to work, care for their children, and enjoy some personal time all while being well rested. The truth is, you can have all of those things, with one exception. You will likely be a little tired from time to time. And guess what, that is OK. Here's why as long as you are spending your time doing what you truly want to do, you won't regret any of it.
Still, if you are a working mom and have young children, you may be so overwhelmed by the work and children part that you're not enjoying any personal time. Well, I have discovered three secrets of doing everything that you want to do.
If you have read this blog before you have probably realized that I do a whole lot! My "work" includes a full time job, maintaining this blog as well as a speaking career. In addition, I have a husband and three small children. On top of that, we own a large old home that always seems to need something and I serve on a board of a water authority and a small nonprofit that has expanded its definition of board member to include "program development", What I am saying is that I could spend all of my time doing things and not have any fun, but I don't. Here's how I manage to do what I do.
Four secrets to succeeding as a working mom
1. Prioritize: Despite what people think, I don't do everything. To quote Samantha from "Sex and the City", "I only do the A list things". Seriously, I recognize that there are only 24 hours in each day. So, I try to commit to those things that will give me the most bang for my time. Those are the things that either include people I love or those I need to impress professionally. If the event includes neither group, it's unlikely that I will be there. The reason is, it takes a lot of work for me to do things. Last weekend, I attended a reunion at my college because it contained both types of people. Attending also allowed me to visit my beloved alma mater, "The University of Virginia", national champions (Wahoowa) and hang out for a child free weekend. Had I attended all of the events that I had been invited to, I never would have been able to make it.
2. Planning: Not to toot my own horn, but I am the energy that fuels my household. I am responsible for all of the essential tasks. I make sure we have groceries. I do the lion share of the daily cleaning. I also ensure that the kids have clean clothes. For that reason, when I have schedule interruptions, I have lots to do in advance in order to make everything smoothly. Before leaving last weekend, I did all of those chores so that I could leave town with little guilt. I also engaged people.
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| Me, speaking at an event |
3. People: Let's be real working moms get by with a little help from their friends, babysitters, and family members. After I returned from my trip, I had to emcee an event. I was honored to be asked and doing it helped me advance my brand. And so, even though I had barely been back in town 24 hours and worked that day and wanted to watch the basketball national championships that night, I strutted to an event in my stilettos with the goal of moving the crowd like Eric B. and Rakim, well kinda. Anyway, I never would have been able to make it without our friend, Shaun who watches our kids and loves them like her own. So, I left work a little early, went home, washed dishes, made dinner and went to the event all because I had help!
4. Persistence: None of this would happen without persistence. Here's the thing, I could give up. Many of the goals that I try to achieve are self imposed. They exist because I have set milestones for myself and I have dreams. I do the most because I want to inspire, I want to lead, and I want to show my kids that it is possible to achieve their dreams. So, I persist. I strive. And I try really hard. And you know what, I often hit my marks!
Here's to my working mom sisters who are with me in the struggle!
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