They report that the 9/11 tragedies happened 19 years ago. However, I cannot believe that’s true because it feels like yesterday. I remember where I was when I learned about the planes going into the towers, I remember who I talked to, what I did afterwards, and how I felt. The unthinkable happened, and I am still trying to accept and understand it.
Where I was on September 11th
I was at work when I heard about it. 2001 was when I was a single working girl without kids and I used to get to work early, I was in the break room, probably getting coffee. I saw when the plane hit the second tower. The Today Show was on. Al Roker was speaking and trying to make sense of it all.
Because I was a young lawyer and basically a highly compensated worker bee, I left the break room and attended a meeting in a partner’s office. I forget the case we were working on. However, I I worked in Charlotte, NC and we had a call with our DC office. The partner laughed when the person on the phone said that it was rumored that the Pentagon was a target. He said something like, “the rumor mill is out of control!”
Law firm partners tend to be long on ego and short on empathy. So, while his reaction wasn’t surprising it was surreal. There I was trying to make sense of it all and he was making jokes. So, of course there was no discussion of being scared or taking the day off.
I left the meeting and went to my office. My Aunt Sherrie and Uncle Dennis called me. They called because as the single working girl I was I routinely spent a lot time in airplanes. Indeed, the week before, I had flown to LA from CLT to visit friends and for some respite. I had been in Atlanta the prior weekend on a work trip and a visit to my sister. I had flown by plane and had returned the day before. It was just by the grace of God that I wasn’t flying that day. They were frightened about what might be happening and wanted to check on me.
I got a call from a guy I had been seeing that interrupted the family call. He said, “Get the hell out of there!!!” He was a trader of commercial mortgage backed securities and we both worked in the same building. It was a tall building that had a trading floor. He said they thought the terrorists were targeting financial institutions. He was evacuating the building and said, “I don’t know what that firm is thinking, but you need to get the hell out of there!!!” It hit harder since he sounded panicked and we weren’t even dating anymore. His panic was fueled because he had a phone call with someone from Canter Fitzgerald that morning and it ended suddenly. I believe that person was killed.
How life unfolded after the towers went down
Being the dutiful worker bee that I was, I waited thirty minutes, terrified, until my office was evacuated. I left the building by walking down 36 flights of stairs. After doing that there was a long wait in the parking garage. Being from New York, I thought about the World Trade Center parking garages getting bombed too. I felt like a sitting duck and was tempted to drive the opposite way. It was then that I began to understand why people panic. It was surreal, terrifying and life changing.
Eventually, I went home, but couldn’t stand being alone. I was filled with questions about what it meant for the world, for me, for my family… And so, I sought relief in the arms of the guy who had called me. I drove to his home, wondering if I would make it there, because I didn't want to be alone. The next day, my legs hurt from walking down all those flights while holding my breath and tensing up.
The following days, I baked like a woman possessed. I baked pineapple upside down cake, cookies, brownies. I baked and gave that ish away. Doing that made people smile and I needed to do that.
Today, as a I reflect, I am struck by the similarities to the COVID19 pandemic, another national crisis. While my coping mechanisms have changed the questions haven’t. I am not baking, I am filled with questions about was this means for the world, for me, for my family. And so, I seek relief in exercise, a glass of wine, and my kids. But I am also incredibly grateful. Given what happened on that fateful day, I think that we all owe to ourselves and those lost to be profoundly grateful for our lives.
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